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Why I Think It Is Wise To Make A confession in relationships

Human is to error, we do it all the time. It is so natural. The problem comes in when we dwell so much in our mistakes. This does not leave behind the area of relationships. If anything it is the most affected. Is confession in relationships important in our lives? Should you reveal your past to your lover? Should you reveal about a past affair? Is it better left unsaid? These and more are some of the questions which flood the floor of dating debates. Why should it be so easy to confess our love for each other, how generous we are and fail to talk about our little or big secrets? It leaves everything to chance.
Revealing your past is important to your partner if you are hoping to go far. He/she would rather hear it from you rather than hear it from a third party. The revelation that you are hiding something from your lover paralyzes all the feelings and break any existing bond. The consequences are so severe that i would rather you tell him early enough. A great hindrance to confession in relationships is that many people put a front when they start dating. They walk in other people's shoes and hide their true identity. Before they even know it the relationship is established and it is then that it becomes so hard to confess their real self to their lovers in fear of being rejected.
For instance many women do not go around telling every interested lover that they have a kid. In their assumptions, such a revelation would spoil the fun of the moment. This is most common with campus girls. They fear to be stereo typed by these gentlemen because they are mothers. This is a big mistake. What will happen to your solid relationship when you are out of campus? Should you terminate your relationship to save your face? How will your lover feel once the truth is out in the open? You would have owned up to your baby from the word go. Such a confession in relationships should be done prior to any plans of your life together.
If you are a married man you will agree with me that it is very hard to move on with your marriage relationship after an affair. It actually requires a lot of grace from God. You have strayed enough and now you are back home with the revelation that your partner is the best lover you could ever get. It becomes harder especially if you were rude and harsh to her just because you were outsourcing some love. Will you move on like nothing happened? Such confession in relationships help married couples to collect the pieces and move on. It would be good if you apologize and explain the facts which pushed you away. This will prevent another similar instance. Explain why you are back to stay and forge a way forward. If you do not confess your sins, the guilt won't let you relate well with your partner. The declaration that your significant other has forgiven you makes it easy to move on and restrict you to a morally straightened relationship.

What Men Want In A Relationship: Know What Turns Your Man Off in Romance

Dating: It's a minefield. Men and women are attracted to each other, yet they often understand each other so poorly.
When women talk about their past experiences with men, they are often mystified that things didn't work out. But when men are polled, they often cite the same factors over and over again as being detrimental to the relationship.
Here are some of the turnoffs they mention most often.
1. Trying too hard to please him.
It sounds counter-intuitive, but doing everything you can to cater to your man's every whim is NOT the way to make him happy.
Advice columnists are constantly reminding the women who write to them not to be doormats. Men like women they can respect.
That doesn't mean dominating him or being stubborn --that's a no-no, too -- but it means not bending over backwards to treat him like a king. It means when he asks if you could pick up his dry cleaning, and the cleaner's is all the way on the other side of town and you have errands to run elsewhere, you say, "Oh, no, honey, I'm sorry! I'll be on the other side of town all day!"
Women with backbones are attractive. Men like being pampered sometimes, too, of course, and obviously there are times when going the extra mile to be especially doting can be beneficial. But in day-to-day life, don't become his slave or servant.
Be generous and affectionate; just don't slobber all over him in your attempt to make him happy. You have to be your own person. If you become HIS person, he'll get bored with you and stop respecting you as a human being.
2. Talking about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends.
Men are already well aware of the fact that they have competition. They know there are 2.5 billion other men in the world and that you could dump your current flame and pick somebody else at a moment's notice. They don't need to be reminded of that fact by hearing constantly about your past romances.
Some background information is fine, of course. Men do like to know your situation, particularly if you were ever married. But going on and on about it can do little good.
If you speak overly fondly about your ex, your current partner will wonder why you didn't just stay with him -- or, worse, think you're planning to get back with the ex and are just using him as a placeholder. If you speak negatively of your ex, it will make your new lover paranoid. "Do I do these things?" he'll ask himself. "Is she racking up a list of my offenses now so she can tell her next boyfriend about them?"
Men aren't generally big on reminiscing anyway. Men's minds are wired toward practicality and problem-solving, not taking strolls down memory lane. In other words, to put it bluntly, your past relationships are boring to him. Not only does it involve the past, it's not even HIS past.
3. Acting too businesslike or too slutty.
Here's where it gets complicated. Surveys of men show they don't like it when a woman dresses too businesslike or "manly." It makes them feel emasculated. They want women to be feminine and ladylike. But at the same time, if you dress TOO feminine and show too much skin, they think you're cheap and won't respect you.
When first meeting a man, choose outfits that are complimentary to your body -- you want to look good, of course -- without being too extreme in one direction or the other. Keep it simple, casual, and pretty. Don't dress like you're going to the office, and don't dress like you're going to a strip club.
4. Pressuring him to talk about his feelings or "define the relationship."
Women like to have their relationships clearly defined, analyzed, and labeled. Are we "dating"? Is he my "boyfriend"? Are we just "seeing each other"? Men, on the other hand, like to know where they stand, too -- they just don't like talking about it. At least not with you.
Men talk to their male friends about dating. They'll explain the facts to their friends and get input from them about what your status is. Why not go right to the source -- i.e., you -- to find out? Because men resist emotionally charged situations and are especially afraid of being wrong. If the man thinks you're his "girlfriend" when you only consider yourselves to be "dating," he'll be crushed to find out he's overstated his position.
Pressuring your partner to talk about emotional things, particularly your relationships, will make him clam up. Save those talks for when it's vital to the health of the relationship, not just when you're feeling insecure and want some reassurance. In those times, follow his example and talk to your friends about it. They may have more insight into his feelings than he does anyway!
5. Trying to change him.
It doesn't work. You can't change anyone. But that doesn't stop countless women from trying it all the time. The man's reasoning is this: She fell for me because she likes me. But if she likes me, why is she trying to change me into something else?! And he has a good point. Some men are stubborn creatures sometimes, and no one, male or female, likes being forced to make changes. Let him be who he is. If who he is isn't good enough for you, find a man who is.
It's not possible to do everything perfectly in a relationship. But there are things you can do to make things run more smoothly and to avoid shooting yourself in the foot. Good luck, and happy hunting!

Teen Dating Violence Facts

PREVALENCE AND FREQUENCY
Teen dating violence runs across race, gender, and socioeconomic lines. Both males and
females are victims, but boys and girls are abusive in different ways:
• Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick;
• Boys injure girls more severely and frequently;
• Some teen victims experience violence occasionally;
• Others are abused more often…sometimes daily.
“Teen Victim Project,” National Center for Victims of Crime, http://www.ncvc.org/tvp, (Last visited 10/5/04).
A comparison of Intimate Partner Violence rates between teens and adults reveals that teens
are at higher risk of intimate partner abuse.
Jay G. Silverman et Al, “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual
Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, 572, 576-577, (Nov. 5, 2001).
n Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group
– at a rate almost triple the national average.
U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim, 1993-99 (Oct.
2001, rev. 11/28/01).
n Approximately 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually
abused by a dating partner.
Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Jeanne E. Hathaway, MD, MPH, “Dating Violence Against
Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality,” Journal
of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, (No. 5, 2001).
n Among female victims of intimate partner violence, a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend
victimized 94% of those between the ages of 16-19.
U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics,7, (2001).
n Between 1993 and 1999, 22% of all homicides against females ages 16-19 were committed by
an intimate partner.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Press Release, “Violence Rates Among Intimate Partners Differ Greatly According to Age,” (10/29/01).
n In a study of gay, lesbian, and bisexual adolescents, youths involved in same-sex dating are just
as likely to experience dating violence as youths involved in opposite sex dating.
“Prevalence of Partner Violence in Same-Sex Romantic and Sexual Relationships in a National Sample of Adolescents,” Halpern CT,
Young ML, Waller MW, Martin SL, Kupper LL. Journal of Adolescent Health, Vol. 35, Issue 2, Pages 124-131, (August 2004).
n Nearly one-half of adult sex offenders report committing their first sexual offenses prior to the
age of 18.
Ron Snipe, et Al, “Recidivism in Young Adulthood, Adolescent Sexual Offenders Grown Up,” 25 Criminal Justice & Behavior, 109,
117, (1998).
Teen Dating Violence Facts
©

The Top 10 Interesting Facts About Dating

1. The divorce rate among couples where the woman makes more than the man is 50% higher than among couples in which the husband earns more.
2. There are 25,000 to 35,000 polygynous marriages in the U.S.,mostly in western states.
The more polygynous the mating system the greater the differences between the sexes in terms of mortality.
Polygynous mating selects for males who take risks. Risk-taking traits lead to successful mating at the expense of a long life, i.e., the biggest buck wins the mating-fight, but will have more trouble feeding himself in a lean winter.
3. The #1 cause of divorce worldwide is infidelity.
4. The #2 cause of divorce worldwide is infertility.
5. The #3 cause of divorce worldwide is unkindness.
This can take the form of emotional and/or physical abuse,and may be the result of infidelity and infertility, or it can be a personality characteristic that is stable over time, involving lack of consideration for others, cruelty,selfishness, and irresponsibility.
6. Worldwide, wives who are less than 20 years old are morethan twice as likely as women who are more than 20 to be killed by a husband in a jealous age, regardless of the age of the husband.
7. 33% of women who have extramarital affairs consider their marriages to be happy, while 56% of men do.
8. Worldwide, women prefer to marry men who are older than they are and vice versa.
In Finland, Sweden and Norway the man is 1-2 years older. In Nigeria, 6.5 years older. In Zambia, 7.5 years older. In the US, men in their 30s prefer a woman 5 years younger; in their 50s, a woman 10-20 years younger. In the US, on average in the first marriage, the man is 3 years older; in the second marriage 5 years older; in the third marriage, 8 years older.
9. For the lifetime, men on average would like to have 18 sex partners, and women, 4 or 5.
10. Remarriage after death or divorce? In the US, 76% of women aged 14-19 remarry; 56% of women aged 30-39; 32% of women aged 40-49; and 12% of women aged 50-75.
(c)Susan trains and certifies EQ coaches. Individualized instruction arranged to accommodate your schedule. NO residency. Training worldwide. Susan offers individual coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks.She is the author of Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women and It's a Jungle Out There internet course with how-tos for dealing with difficult people.
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